started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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