PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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