Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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