mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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