My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
