your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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