I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
