I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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