Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
