My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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