never play flip cup with pint glasses
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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