I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need a beard to bite.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
