My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
