there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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