I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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