i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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