I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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