I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico