my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?