I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.