My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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