If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize