jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am naked and annoyed.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
