I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
