I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
