If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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