the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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