so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
BRING THE BAGELS
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
