just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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