My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
