I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
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People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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