Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
