He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
