I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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