I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
