Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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