Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
