I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
