Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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