I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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