I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Randomize
