My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
