Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
