my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
