I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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