your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
