just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
