Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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