i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
