Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
