You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
