last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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