You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
BRING THE BAGELS
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
