I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
