Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
