People in love make me want to vomit
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
