I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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