Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Naked. naked and bneed help.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
