I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
