Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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