You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
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What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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