making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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