He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Couch. On fire.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
